Chilli-Man's Quest

Exposure to all sorts of funny food requests are not uncommon. Most of the time its quite amusing and you wonder to yourself why oh why would you have some of the combinations that customers decide to torture themselves with. However, when you usually get a strange request, first you say that it can be done. Second, you cover your own ass and make sure that you are not responsible for it tasting funny as it is the customer's choice to do that with their own food. Thirdly, so that we are not held responsible at all, you make sure that you have the order very clearly written and noted so that it is as original as it can be coming out of the customer's mouth. And some times this is the hardest part of all...

Take away phone rings. I pick up.

Chilli-Man: Hi, can I please order a take away meal.
Me: Sure, what would you like?
Chilli-Man: Can I please get chicken with fresh chilli.

Now this meal does not exist. There is Chicken in Chilli sauce where the fresh chilli can be added. I explain this to Chilli-Man.

Chilli-Man: I just want chicken and chilli.
Me: It can be done sir, but there will be no flavour as it will just be cooked chicken stir fried with fresh chilli.
Chilli-Man: Look, I've ordered it before. I always order this dish.
Me: I'm just trying to explain that we do not have this meal on the menu, and that I can do it but it won't have much taste because there is no sauce.
Chilli-Man: I order this dish all the time. Other restaurants do it! You know what, don't worry about it.

Chilli-Man hangs up.

Thanks Chilli-Man for your patience and of course the amount of rudeness that does get through the phone. He didn't seem to understand where I was coming from and for some reason he thought this dish existed which I'm pretty sure doesn't in Chinese restaurants so I'm not sure what he was after. Perhaps if he explained himself better and didn't throw a tantrum we could have gotten through the confusion together.

Oh well, I just hope Chilli-Man got his chicken and a whole bunch of fresh chilli to burn that rude tongue of his to hell.

Precious Precious Plate of Prawn Chips.

After working at the same place for five years, customers rarely change. They order roughly about the same thing, drink the same thing and pretty much are the same in most cases. You become in tune with your regular customers, from the ones that make you smile a little more because they are lovely to the ones that come in and you still have to grin but groan deep down inside.

This is pretty much the definition of the Friday Regulars. There are many many stories to tell about these lovely charming plain out right annoying customers. But let's just go with this rather silly annoying little comment that they made.

Friday Regular: You know we were just outside telling this couple how lovely this restaurant is and convincing them that they should try it.
Me: Oh, well, thank you very much. [Insert waitress smile here]
Friday Regular: We have been coming here for a long time and you know what? We never get anything special. Not once have we ever been given a plate or prawn chips or anything like that.

I just continued to smile my waitress smile which has now faded to that really plastic kind of smile. There's reasons why you don't get anything for free. Pretty much because you do not deserve it.

And here are the reasons why.

1. There is no way in this world are you even going to be remotely thankful that I have given you a 'free' plate of prawn chips, in fact that just gives you the chance of throwing it in my face.
2. In all the years that you have come to eat, if you really wanted prawn chips (free or not) would it have hurt to ask?
3. If you stopped finding new things complain about every week, then maybe there would more room for us to actually give you prawn chips. But then maybe you would complain about them one way or another.

So this is my deal. If you actually stop complaining, ask politely and actually appreciate my service then maybe one of these days you might get that plate of prawn chips that you so dream about. But then again maybe that day will never really come will it?

-----------------

I know I've been gone awhile

But I'm promising myself to keep you all amused.

So there will be more regular updates.

Split Bills Revenge

Split bills are invented to confuse and annoy waitresses. I find them twice as much work, twice as time consuming and generally makes me feel twice as busy as I really should feel on any kind of night. As a waitress I truly understand why it should just be a 'No Split Bills' policy. Unfortunately for our restaurant we have had split bills for a very long time, so sometimes enforcing this is quite difficult. But on Mother's Day this policy is fair game, no matter who you are and especially if you are the Dunks.

Me: Just letting you know that we can't do split bills tonight. We are just too busy. Sorry.
Sizzling-Lady: Why is that. You always do it.

Sorry lady, but can you seriously not see the FULL restaurant, my flustered-running-around-with-my-head-cut-off expression and the fact that I have just told you? But then should I have expected any less from you?

Me: We are busy, as you can see. Plus the kitchen will not be too happy if I did split bills either.
Sizzling-Lady: Oh. Can you just do two sets of split bills then?

This was a table of eight, originally wanting one bill per couple. Which part of 'no split bills' did they seriously not understand? Its not a negotiation. No, pretty much means no.

Me: I'm really sorry. I can't
Sizzling-Lady: You are a bit busy aren't you?

Naa, really? I just like looking like I'm busy. Makes me feel like I'm actually doing something. And all the people in the restaurant are just my imagination, especially the Table of 17 that failed to book.


Split bills means that you have to remember who is who, where they are sitting ,what they are ordering and what drinks you are serving them. It becomes even more fun when they are move around and change their orders throughout the night. Also they all tend to have blank expressions on their faces, which I'm sure they practice at home, when you take their dishes to them. Which means that EVERY waitresses on has to be given the low down on EVERYTHING about the table. Honestly, how hard is it for people to remember what they ordered? Is it really that difficult? Or maybe I'm just expecting WAY too much.

Then there is the infamous mis-communication when it comes to the Dunks. Which really never ceases to amaze me. I also believe that they practice this at home, with their blank expressions, before they come to the restaurant.

Honey-Black-Pepper-Lady: I'd like Honey Black Pepper King Prawns.
Me: Sure, no problems.

Then Satay-Lady orders.

Satay-Lady: I want the first one on the specials board.
Me: So that's the Sizzling Honey Black Pepper King Prawns.
Satay-Lady: Yes, the one on the board.

So the Sizzling Honey Black Pepper King Prawns came out first. For once, no arguments from Satay-Lady. The the non-Sizzling Honey Black Pepper King Prawns came out.

Honey-Black-Pepper-Lady: This isn't what I ordered.
Me: I'm sorry?
Honey-Black-Pepper-Lady: I wanted Honey Black Pepper.
Me: That is Honey Black Pepper King Prawns
Honey-Black-Pepper-Lady: [Pointing to Satay-Lady's dish] I ordered the same as her.


I was already way over my head with the amount of stuff I had to do to have to deal with this too.

1. Honey-Black-Pepper-Lady did not once point to the board to indicate that she wanted the sizzling version. It comes out non-sizzling in the regular menu. She has had this dish before, so it is not new to her.
2. No where in her attempt to order correctly did she say SIZZLING.
3. Telling me she ordered the same thing as someone who ordered AFTER her, is not exactly fair argument on her part.

Me: [Sigh] I'll just take it back and put it on a platter for you then.

She seemed quite happy with that. So, thankfully that was that. Otherwise the sizzling platter was not the only thing that would be sizzling.


Then came to paying their bill. Which in itself is just another debacle that I'm sure they practice beforehand, right after the mis-communication and the black expressions.

When writing bills, entrees go one top, then mains, followed by desserts and then the drinks are tallied right down the bottom. So when three couples order Mixed Entrees each it is written as:

3 Mix Ent                   $PRICE OF ALL THREE

Now, I'm no maths genius, but if you wanted to find the price of one, simply divide. Well, this was way too complicated for the four couples. Instead they asked for a menu and worked it out bit by every itty bitty bit. In fact one of the men decided to wait in the car because it was all too confusing for everyone. One of the other tables watched in amusement and asked why he was leaving without paying for his bill. That left the waitresses in a fit of hidden giggles.

It took the Dunks:

• two pens
• two napkins
• a menu
• a mobile phone
• and 15 whole minutes

To finally figure it all out.

 Evidence of Dunk's working out.

It also left five waitresses laughing pretty hard at Dunk's inability to remember not only what they had ordered but how much every single item costs.

For me it felt like a nice little piece of revenge. It is for all those times that they come in and expected us to know their names, their dishes, their drinks and their desires off by heart and for making eating chinese food so difficult when it is all suppose to be about sharing.

So honestly, think twice when asking for split bills because chances are it will come back and bite you on the bum one night, and trust me it will happen, every excuse that we can use.

Oh Mother! The Mother of All Nights

Mum's Day.

One of the two biggest nights of the year for our restaurant.

All hell breaks lose in the space of four and a half hours.

Every waitress skill, trick and fake smile comes out to play.

No one can predict the terror that will result.

Or the clean up that the end of the night brings.

All waitresses are told beforehand that split bills are a major no no. We should not have to deal with the pressure and situations of split bills with everything else that is going on. Also, it is not our reponsibility who pays for the bill, as long as its paid. It also ends up clogging up the kitchen when one table of eight has four different bills. And the kitchen doesn't treat to kindly on that either. (And eventually this will have its own special entry soon enough).

Turning away customers is never a completely positive things for business. Yes, its good that the restaurant is full, but bad that customers have to find new places to try and may not come back for a very long time. However, it does gives waitresses a smidge of satisfaction when we get to turn customers away for simply being stupid enough to think that there is a table just for them, sitting free, on the biggest night of the year. Did it really not occur that booking might be essential on Mother's Day?

It becomes more than just an ongoing joke when a large group of people walk in and ask if there is a table for seventeen people, without a booking, just vacant, waiting for them to sit at. Really? Seriously? They must have because they did not want to leave until they were seated. So in the end the best option that I could give them was a table that usually fits fourteen and with every spare chair that we could muster, including take away waiting chairs, and cram them together on this magic table that I had managed to piece together. Yet after all of that in total, we only had sixteen. When I asked them if this was acceptable, they pretty much jumped at it and were quite pleased to have it. (Of course a little bit later on another table had left so they did eventually have a chair each).

In total it was a delightful an adventure of a night. It went as smoothly as it could possibly have hoped to be and there was very little that could be done for all the things that didn't go right (which thankfully was very little). And to all the girls that were on tonight, it was great night, even if it felt like living hell at the time. Also, apologies as I did not sufficiently warn the girls who worked their first Mother's Day tonight, how bad it would actually be.

Here I was thinking it was going to be one of the quietest Mother's Days that I have waitressed...

Tales of an Eccentric Boss #3

Tales of an Eccentric Boss #2:

Blind, Deaf and Slightly Lost  

There's something about the way that my boss reads dockets. You always wait in anticipation to see if he will read it right and sigh knowingly when he produces dishes that are wrong. He can go through a long streak of winners, he will be on the ball and not get anything wrong. But then in an instant, all in one night, he will get two to three dishes wrong. All simply because he did not read the docket clearly enough.

A prime example of this was when he tried to tell one of the waitresses that she was writing a certain short-hand wrong. This waitress had been working there for almost two years and he had read her short-hand for as long as that and all of a sudden he did one of the items wrong because she wrote it differently then usual. The truth was that he thought she had written it differently that night when clearly she had been writing the same thing for two years, since her training. 

Then of course the big problem is when you get the really picky customers who take everything out and put everything of a different kind in. That's when it gets really confusing and lost. The best way to tackle this so that my boss will get it right is a simple five step plan.

1. Read the docket slowly and clearly to him.
2. Have him repeat back what you have just read to him.
3. Watch that he puts the right things in the dish and that it is cooked right.
4. Ask again what is in the dish to make sure that it is right.
5. Inspect the dish to make sure that it is completely and utterly right.

If these steps are followed correctly then hopefully, you will have a lovely dish with no mistakes.

Then again I suppose all of this makes work an adventure, a little more interesting as well as making you want to hit yourself on the forehead. So whenever I train any new waitresses I always tell them to write clearly, speak clearly and be clear about everything because our boss is a little blind, a bit deaf and always always that little bit slightly lost.

Replying to those Lovely Lovely Comments

(From  'Don't Force Your Money on the Waitresses Please.')

CommonWaitress...

 I have to say that it must be pretty lucky to feel like people will bribe you with tips if you take their money. Its one of those things that you would gladly be a part of if it wasn't about paying the bill. And then it makes you look greedy, can't win.

Purplegirl...

I think I'm going to use that technique more. It seems like the only way to handle it the best way without actually offending anyone.