Clusters of Rude People.

It seems that rude people come in clusters. So unfortunately on Sunday I ended serving another obnoxious and rude regular customer. Regular implying that they come about every three months, but for all the waitresses definitely regular enough. In fact, we could probably all do with a little less regular.

There are so many things that they do that are considered rude to normal people. Of course they do not see it as rudeness, so the only way to even explain them is to just write a list about all the things that they could have done different to avoid being given the title, The-Rudest-Customer, but then who am I to judge, maybe they actually wanted the title.

The men in this group (which can range form 5-10 people at any one time) drink a lot. They drink so much that it's to the point that we really should refuse them alcohol. But when we do, they get aggressive and it just becomes an issue. Usually they leave before this becomes a major problem, so I can only be grateful for that.

Due to the three break-ins that have been targeted for our alcohol, in the last year and a half, our Boss has decided that we will not be selling any alcohol at all and will encourage BYO. As The-Rudest-Customer drinks a lot of our alcohol, our Boss thought it would be best to inform him that we will no longer be restocking our beers. I was taking their order at the time. The-Rudest-Customer looked at my Boss blanked faced. Why? Because the guy was already drunk! He had no idea what was going on around him. I didn't know whether to laugh because he looked so stupid or slap him for the same reason. Also at the same time I knew that it was going to be a long night because that was only the beginning.

As a waitress you get called a lot of rude things by rude customers. You get the "finger-over-here", "crazy-hand-wave" or even the "finger-clicking". By far I think the worse that I have ever had to endure is when The-Rudest-Customer calls me "bub" to get my attention. It makes me feel really disgusted. I know some people use it as a term of endearment, but when he uses it it makes me feel gross. It puts me in this really awful position and really makes me want to tell him that he should not be calling me that at all. So all night, all I got was "bub this" and "bub that" in his loudest voice.


Then there is the Devil-Child. The-Rudest-Customer's little daughter is called Angel. We know this because she is constantly being yelled at by her Mum who has no control over her children at all. Devil-Child has not changed since she was a baby. She is one of the main reasons why I do not want to EVER have children.

Devil-Child runs around with her shoes off, touches every other table's cutlery, and tries to run into the kitchen whenever she gets a chance to. Oh, and she has a little brother who has just learned how to walk. How lovely.

Little-Devil-Child tries to get out by playing with our entrance door. He pulls it enough to get his fingers caught. Now I try to move him away from it but he comes back repeatedly. So I tell the Mum that he needs to move otherwise he will hurt himself. She looks at me as if I'm the one that should be looking after him. You have got to be kidding. This is the same look she gives us when we tell her that her children should stop running around, that they should not be playing with fans, and also that they should not touch the blinds.

Devil-Child and Co. like to lick the Salt and Pepper Shakers and tip Soy Sauce on the tables. So now we have take all those off the OTHER tables in the restaurant. Also along with any napkins and cutlery that we do not want to re-wipe. All the surrounding originally clean tablecloths are already a lost cause.

The best way to deal with  Devil-Child and Co. is to not make eye-contact and ignore them. Otherwise they think that  you want to play with them and that this is highly amusing. So towards the end of the night I ended up having to stand guard to the entrance of the kitchen so that we wouldn't have an accident on our hands.


I do all the things that The-Rudest-Customer demands. He wants knives which are not set out on the table. So I wipe them and put them on the table before he even asks. He then proceeds to ask me to get him some knives. I simply point to the table, and tell him that they are there already.

The-Rudest-Customer-Wife wants a million little bowls and proceeds to take then from the staff only area without even asking. Wonderful. More useless cleaning on our hands.

The-Rudest-Customer brings in a friend to dine with them and she wants bottled water. We don't have any, we only have tap water. She asks if I can boil some water for her. I tell her that it will be hot, and if that is okay. She tells me that this is fine. Her husband thinks it's hilarious to say that I should boil cold water so that it will be cold. I would slap him if I could.


Finally at the conclusion to this crazy meal they want to have their left overs packed. Instead of asking a waitresses over politely, as this would be too easy and too nice, The-Rudest-Customer proceeds to yell "Boss" as loud as possible in the restaurant in hopes that my Boss, who is in the kitchen and cannot even hear him, will come out just to pack The-Rudest-Customer's leftovers. All I can say is that I'm embarrassed for The-Rudest-Customer, if no on else is.


There was no tips tonight. The truth is that I'm just glad they left when they did, and I would quite gladly accept that as my tip for the night. At least the only reassuring thing is that they won't be back for another three months.