Oh Mother! The Mother of All Nights

Mum's Day.

One of the two biggest nights of the year for our restaurant.

All hell breaks lose in the space of four and a half hours.

Every waitress skill, trick and fake smile comes out to play.

No one can predict the terror that will result.

Or the clean up that the end of the night brings.

All waitresses are told beforehand that split bills are a major no no. We should not have to deal with the pressure and situations of split bills with everything else that is going on. Also, it is not our reponsibility who pays for the bill, as long as its paid. It also ends up clogging up the kitchen when one table of eight has four different bills. And the kitchen doesn't treat to kindly on that either. (And eventually this will have its own special entry soon enough).

Turning away customers is never a completely positive things for business. Yes, its good that the restaurant is full, but bad that customers have to find new places to try and may not come back for a very long time. However, it does gives waitresses a smidge of satisfaction when we get to turn customers away for simply being stupid enough to think that there is a table just for them, sitting free, on the biggest night of the year. Did it really not occur that booking might be essential on Mother's Day?

It becomes more than just an ongoing joke when a large group of people walk in and ask if there is a table for seventeen people, without a booking, just vacant, waiting for them to sit at. Really? Seriously? They must have because they did not want to leave until they were seated. So in the end the best option that I could give them was a table that usually fits fourteen and with every spare chair that we could muster, including take away waiting chairs, and cram them together on this magic table that I had managed to piece together. Yet after all of that in total, we only had sixteen. When I asked them if this was acceptable, they pretty much jumped at it and were quite pleased to have it. (Of course a little bit later on another table had left so they did eventually have a chair each).

In total it was a delightful an adventure of a night. It went as smoothly as it could possibly have hoped to be and there was very little that could be done for all the things that didn't go right (which thankfully was very little). And to all the girls that were on tonight, it was great night, even if it felt like living hell at the time. Also, apologies as I did not sufficiently warn the girls who worked their first Mother's Day tonight, how bad it would actually be.

Here I was thinking it was going to be one of the quietest Mother's Days that I have waitressed...

Imaginary Meals for Your Imaginary Dollars

Customers want the best deal that they can possibly get at the lowest price that they can possibly get it for. In other words they just want free stuff, and will whinge, whine and even try and threaten you with other restaurant in hopes that they will succeed in their quest.

Now don't get me wrong, I like to try to get the best deal that I can wherever I go. In fact, I am quite a stingy person, but to whinge, whine and threaten about it. Can we just say, desperate?

There is a booking for 22 people next Friday. It's not a big booking but it will make sure that we won't have a bad night either. They came in tonight to pre-order their meals, so that we have an easy run night. They ordered a Banquet Meal. Banquet Meals are set menus at a certain price per person. They are the best deals to have when you have more than 10 people, and they are discounted because the meals set are easy to cook and cause the least amount of trouble for everyone.

But don't be fooled by this seemingly easy booking. They wanted more for their imaginary dollars than what we were already offering.

They wanted to talk to my Boss, which is fair enough but my Boss' English is limited. Most of the big bookings are handled by myself or other senior staff on his behalf. Of course any major changes have to be confirmed by him. This time round, he left it to me to handle because he had to get back into the kitchen to cook meals. They had come in at prime restaurant dinner time.

They ordered Banquet B, there are only four Banquets, ranging from $13-$21 per person. Their Banquet B was $15.00 per person. It consists of:

Spring Rolls
Dim Sims

Honey Chicken
Garlic Combination
BBQ Pork with Plum Sauce
Beef with Black Bean
Large Special Fried Rice

You get one dish of (ie. Honey Chicken) between four people. In total that's four different mains between four people. There is also unlimited Fried Rice.

Imaginary-Dollars-Man: We can't eat any beef or pork so we want to change some of the dishes.
Me: That's fine. What would you like to have replaced instead?
Imaginary-Dollars-Man: We want to change the beef and pork to king prawns and fish.
Me: That will have to be extra.

Imaginary-Dollars-Man did not believe me. They thought that I was making it up. Yep, that's what I do, overcharge just for fun. He wanted me to get my Boss to confirm this. My Boss, confirmed with him what I had just told him.

Imaginary-Dollars-Man: I've got 22 people coming here you should give it to me cheaper. There is a lot of competition you know. [Referring to the other restaurants in the area].

Poor Imaginary-Dollars-Man, he must think that a 22 person booking is the largest that we have seen. It's not even half the restaurant. Also, no other places actually do Banquets, I already know that for a fact. He also booked at the restaurant in advance before even ordering. Empty threats do not help get free things.

Boss: Sorry, the seafood is more expensive, and the Banquet is already discounted as it is. It's still cheaper even if you add the extra price on.
Imaginary-Dollars-Man: It can't be that much in difference. [Whilst holding the takeaway menu which actually shows you the price difference].

Imaginary-Dollars-Man realises that there is no fighting even after talking to the Boss. Of course, I was lying to him from the beginning. My Boss goes back into the kitchen after that. I am left to deal with this all on my own.

Imaginary-Dollars-Man: Okay, we'll just have the king prawns. Do I have to pay extra if I just want king prawns and not the fish?
Me: Yes. Probably about 0.50c per person.
Imaginary-Dollars-Man: Come on, its just one change.

Obviously Imaginary-Dollars-Man likes to think his request are cheap to change. The offer was in fact very generous as there is almost a $3.50 difference in price, per dish. So Imaginary-Dollars-Man 'umm' and 'ahh' for a little while. I just stand there patiently, this is not my first stingy customer.

Imaginary-Dollars-Man: But then that means that I have to have three chicken dishes.

He was now almost pleading with me to change things for him. I would do so, happily, if you pay the extra price. But being stingy tends to not help changes. I don't know what he wanted me to do. I wasn't going to be guilt tripped into changing things for 22 people for free. Finally he decided that he really did not have a choice.

So the order changes to:

Vegetarian Spring Rolls
(Two per person as there is pork in the normal spring rolls and dim sims.)

Honey Chicken
Chicken Szechuan
Mongolian Chicken (which is suppose to be extra because of the sizzling platter, normally 0.50c extra per dish)
Sizzling King Prawns (which is also on a sizzling platter)
Large Special Fried Rice

Imaginary-Dollars-Man continues to whinge that they will have a lot of chicken dishes, which by now I just ignore. No point in trying to explain it again when it doesn't seem to get through. I write it out and settle it, finally.


Imaginary-Dollars-Man: We should get some soup too. So do we get complementary soup with the Banquet?
Me: No, the soups start to be included in Banquet C, but it is more expensive per person.
Imaginary-Dollars-Man: Oh, but we like soup. We also changed the dim sims so can we replace it with soup.
Me: The price difference is too great, you would have to pay extra.
Imaginary-Dollars-Man: But we are just replacing it.
Me: Yes, you are replacing it with something more expensive. You can get a large bowl of soup and share it with about 6 people.
Imaginary-Dollars-Man: How much is this?
Me: About $14.
Imaginary-Dollars-Man: Oh no. But I have this guy who cuts my grass for that much. [Smiling and laughing at me in hopes I will lower the price].


I do not see the connection between grass cutting and soups? How can two totally different things, one a service and one a product, be compared. Unless of course you like to maybe make soup out of grass? I just ignore he's last remark. No point trying to understand it in the first place.



Then they decided that they wanted drinks. Which was just as painful as the soups. By this time, I was over it, he was being stupid with the free things and it was just not going to happen.

Imaginary-Dollars-Man: Do we get free drinks with that?
Me: If you want it free, you can have water. We don't charge on that.
Imaginary-Dollars-Man: Can I have a look at your drinks menu.
Me: Sure. [Cringing as I gave it to him].

He'd already wasted 15 minutes of precious time. We were starting to get a lot of Dine-In and Take Away orders so I really just wanted to speed the process up.

Me: Jugs of soft drink are $6. You can bring your own alcohol.
Imaginary-Dollars-Man: So you are BYO.
Me: Yes, but ALCOHOL ONLY.
Imaginary-Dollars-Man: So, no soft drinks?

Imaginary-Dollars-Man must have missed that part about Alcohol Only despite me making sure I was clear on that. How deliberate and selective of him.

Finally at the conclusion to this rather painful booking he puts down a $100 deposit and leaves. He leaves with a very discounted meal for 22 people, imaginary soft drinks and extra imaginary food for his imaginary dollars, as well as, my great pleasure at doing business with them. Yeah, right.

Next Friday will be painful, and there will be no tips to show that the great pain was worth any of it.