Chilli-Man's Quest

Exposure to all sorts of funny food requests are not uncommon. Most of the time its quite amusing and you wonder to yourself why oh why would you have some of the combinations that customers decide to torture themselves with. However, when you usually get a strange request, first you say that it can be done. Second, you cover your own ass and make sure that you are not responsible for it tasting funny as it is the customer's choice to do that with their own food. Thirdly, so that we are not held responsible at all, you make sure that you have the order very clearly written and noted so that it is as original as it can be coming out of the customer's mouth. And some times this is the hardest part of all...

Take away phone rings. I pick up.

Chilli-Man: Hi, can I please order a take away meal.
Me: Sure, what would you like?
Chilli-Man: Can I please get chicken with fresh chilli.

Now this meal does not exist. There is Chicken in Chilli sauce where the fresh chilli can be added. I explain this to Chilli-Man.

Chilli-Man: I just want chicken and chilli.
Me: It can be done sir, but there will be no flavour as it will just be cooked chicken stir fried with fresh chilli.
Chilli-Man: Look, I've ordered it before. I always order this dish.
Me: I'm just trying to explain that we do not have this meal on the menu, and that I can do it but it won't have much taste because there is no sauce.
Chilli-Man: I order this dish all the time. Other restaurants do it! You know what, don't worry about it.

Chilli-Man hangs up.

Thanks Chilli-Man for your patience and of course the amount of rudeness that does get through the phone. He didn't seem to understand where I was coming from and for some reason he thought this dish existed which I'm pretty sure doesn't in Chinese restaurants so I'm not sure what he was after. Perhaps if he explained himself better and didn't throw a tantrum we could have gotten through the confusion together.

Oh well, I just hope Chilli-Man got his chicken and a whole bunch of fresh chilli to burn that rude tongue of his to hell.

Customer Appreciation vs. Leftover Change.

Tips are not a regular occurrence at my workplace. This is probably because we are more fast food than fine dinning and also because I reside in a land where the 10% tip gets ignored constantly. I don't hope for tips, they are just nice to receive and makes you feel appreciated for the job that you did. However, my policy is that as long as the customer is nice, courteous and not an outright meany, I'm quite happy for that to be my tip of table. Though, cash, undeniably, is always a good.

So here is the setting of one not so ordinary Saturday night.

• Fifty person reservation. (Our tiny restaurant only holds a total of fifty-five, uncomfortably).
• A grand numbered birthday party.
• Lots of kids of walking/toddling age. (Can already see the dilemmas there).
• Some pre-ordered set menu meals, approximately five separate meals.
• Each person paid for drinks as they went, separately.
• Each person had to pay their own amount via the hostess.
• Guests would not sit down so therefore giving out meals was difficult.
• Maneuvering around guests to get to tables was pretty much impossible.
• A lot of 'excuse me' and 'please' from the waitressing staff.
• Only appreciation was from the two hostess, every other guest just thought that we were in the way.

Everything had run pretty smooth, in spite of the chaos, until we got to the end of the night where payment was due. While I have the utmost respect for the Hostess; she did a brilliant job in organising people and payment at the end of the night, it was the other guests that I felt were rude and selfish.

There were a lot of guests drinking alcohol that they had brought in themselves. This was fine, and a very cheap corkage fee was charged per person who consumed the alcohol. I let the Hostess deal with this after explaining it to her and she seemed to understand the situation.

When she had come to pay she had forgotten, not deliberately, about the corkage issue. I told her the waitress had counted about fifteen individuals consuming alcohol. Before she even got a chance to answer her husband, who was one of those consuming the alcohol spoke quite forcefully.

Hostess'-Rude-Husband: I don't think there was that many people.
Me: Well, sir, the waitress had kept an eye out and there was that many counted between them.
Hostess'-Rude-Husband [in an agressive manner]: I don't think so. There is no way there was that many people drinking.

Did Hostess'-Rude-Husband count them? Because I don't think he did, he was busy drinking with them.

While we may have been slightly off in numbers due to people moving about there was a least ten or more people drinking. Then all of a sudden everyone was interested in money. Everyone had something to say, over the top of the hostess. She tried quietly at one point to tell me gently that we should count the numbers. Then all of a sudden one of the ladies decided to speak loudly to me.

Ungrateful-Lady: We left them a big tip. If they want to count that many people then they can take it out of their tips.

Are you kidding me?

This made me angry and dumbfounded. Yes, tips are usually founded on what is leftover from the whole number. However, after working a whole night, dodging and running around fifty people. It would have been thoughtful that a deliberate and nice tip was left. Not some snotty leftovers. It felt like despite the hard work and effort to ensure everyone had a good time, it was only worth the change.

Corkage is cheap, in fact its so cheap that any pocket change could pay for it. It is not about how much tip is 'left over' to us in the end because it doesn't really matter to the whole total, its the procedure. I have to write down how much corkage there is and charge accordingly so that my boss knows what was going on. Putting a few less corkage does not really change my tip situation at all, it is no advantage to anyone.

Finally the amount of corkage charged was settled. The hostess had a list of people and we went through it quickly checking them. Whilst it did not really settle my mind, it was better than nothing, and the hostess had not been aggressive nor uncooperative.

In fact, the guests had somehow manage to sneak in bottles of soft drink into the restaurant whilst we had a large range in our fridge. Due to the chaos, we didn't know until later when we were cleaning up. Otherwise I would have charged them our price of soft drink and fight that down tooth and nail with Hostess'-Rude-Husband and Ungrateful-Lady.

Lesson from the night? Big party functions are messy. There is no way to have one that is straight forward and follow the rules. So next time there is corkage involved, there will definitely be a better system in place.

They left an approximate tip of $10 for fifty people with a bill total of approximately $500.
The next night I got a $20 tip from a group of twelve people of a bill less than $200. (With very little hassle and very little 'extra attention' given).

The figures pretty much speak for themselves. And that's the difference between customer's appreciation to service and leftover change.

How to Treat Snobby Ex Servers.

In the line of work that I do you meet a lot of interesting characters. Some times at first glance you can misinterpret what people are like, which has happened to me before. So you learn to be less critical of people and treat people with the same respect that you would like to be treated because one day it might just get you out of trouble.

Waitressing is not just a job about taking orders, delivering food, serving drinks and providing general chit-chat. It is a service and therefore it means that actual human interaction and communication is necessary, and that includes from putting on a fake smile to nervously laughing at jokes that you would not find funny in 'real life'.

You learn that as a waitress that not all people are as kind and generous as you. You realise how easily your own sense of humanity is forgotten because of the way some customers believe you should be treated simply because they paid for your service. As a waitress you realise that you begin to act differently as a customer and you show more compassion.

There is this customer, Snobby-Ex-Waitress, who is, not just simply the rudest customer, but one of rudest people that I have ever met. Some times I give customers excuses for being rude, its part of the job to ignore and smile. But Snobby-Ex-Waitress does not have any excuse because she was once in the same position as me and all the other girls at the restaurant. I would assume that your experiences as a waitress somewhat give you a honorary badge and understanding of what it is like to be a waitress and therefore teaches you a lesson on what you should be like as a customer.

Snobby-Ex-Waitress used to work with my Boss in another restaurant. She is grumpy, does not say a word of 'thank you' or 'please' and her actions speak of the lack of manners she seems to possess. However, the moment that she sees my Boss and talks to him her whole attitude changes and she becomes the nicest person in the world. So sweet that it makes my teeth ache.

The first time I served her I paid particular attention to her because of her connection to my Boss. But how do you do the right thing by someone who thinks they are better than you? You don't. So this is my pay back. I serve her without a smile. I speak with as little amount of words as possible. I give her her meal, and walk away. I don't even bother to wish her a 'good day'. After all why should I waste it on someone who simply shows no respect to people.

Snobby-Ex-Waitress is in her late 40s and has children and grandchildren of her own. And just when you think that it doesn't get any worse. Her daughter now also works as a waitress, Snobby-Ex-Waitress-Jr. Exact same attitude as her mother. I can't believe that they have different attitudes as a waitress because it's too difficult to believe. I don't believe that any customer would like to be served by Snobby-Ex-Waitress or Snobby-Ex-Waitress-Jr. due to their ugly attitudes.

If Snobby-Ex-Waitress had not worked as a waitress then maybe I would be more forgiving. But formerly being a waitress does not give you the right to act like a pretentious snob and believe that you are standing on some fancy pedestal.

So I treat her as she treats me, deal with it.

Delivering You with Two Faces.

Its amazing how two-faced customers can really be. One minute they are all smiles and happiness and then next, when they don't get what they want because you just can't do it, they turn mean and nasty. It's not something that I can control and I do apologise for not being able to meet with your demands but is it necessary to be so mean and vindictive? Did you ever think that being that mean will actually get you something? And when you are inquiring or asking a question it does not mean the answer that I give you will always be the one that you want to hear.

Tonight was quite an eventful night, in the good sense. What happened didn't really bother me because quite frankly it happens quite often, and also it was a good night so I'm not fussed by ridiculous customers.


Take Away phone rings.

Me: Good Evening.
Two-Faced-Delivery-Customer: Hi, I just wanted to order a delivery order. You do delivery right.

I'd like to point out that a lot of customers have tried the method 'If I say you delivery, you'll deliver to me'.

Me: No sorry we don't do deliveries. Only Pick Up orders.
Two-Faced-Delivery-Customer: Oh really. I thought you guys always did delivery.

I've worked at the restaurant for five years. The first two years there was a delivery service because Our Boss had just started out and we wanted to branch out to form a bigger customer base. Eventually, we weren't really making that much off deliveries and there was no point in hiring a delivery driver. So in the end we phased out the deliveries, THREE YEARS AGO. I'd also like to point out that even though we did do them in the beginning we never printed it or advertised this to our customers, therefore there is nothing that says we actually do deliveries. Customers find this hard to understand.

Two-Faced-Delivery-Customer: Oh, but you use to didn't you?

Now the answer to this depends on how cheeky I am on the night. I usually apologise and let it go. Or some times it goes like this.

Me: [Laughing a little]. We haven't done deliveries in almost three years.
Two-Faced-Delivery-Customer: Oh, but you guys delivered to me the other week. I'm sure of it.

So some customers like to pull the method, 'If I lie about you delivering to me, then you have to do it'. I turn around and give them this method, 'You and I both know you're lying but I'll just let you know gently so you know not to try that again'.

Me: Sorry, but we don't do deliveries. You must have remembered the wrong place.
Two-Faced-Delivery-Customer: Oh okay.

You think that they finally understand but this is the part where Two-Faced-Delivery-Customer will sudden change from being quite friendly to just plain nasty. In the beginning we use to tell them that they can come down to get it and that it would be much quicker that way. This usually causes a really rude reaction from Two-Faced-Delivery-Customers.

Two-Faced-Delivery-Customer: How am I suppose to get down there without a car? Why do you think I ordered delivery.

I don't know. Maybe because really you are just lazy. And that's the truth with most deliveries. So nowadays we don't even give that option to Two-Faced-Delivery-Customers. If they like our food that much they will come down to get it anyway.


The conversation can end a few ways. None of them pleasant.

Two-Faced-Delivery-Customer [Response 1]: [Hangs up the phone without saying anything].

Two-Faced-Delivery-Customer [Response 2]: Well then I'll just go SOMEWHERE ELSE where there is delivery.

Two-Faced-Delivery-Customer [Response 3]: I'm sure you guys delivered to me the other day. [Hangs up without saying a word of Goodbye].



Its true. I've worked at the same restaurant for five years, but Two-Faced-Delivery-Customers seem to always know more than me. Why do I even bother.

Clusters of Rude People.

It seems that rude people come in clusters. So unfortunately on Sunday I ended serving another obnoxious and rude regular customer. Regular implying that they come about every three months, but for all the waitresses definitely regular enough. In fact, we could probably all do with a little less regular.

There are so many things that they do that are considered rude to normal people. Of course they do not see it as rudeness, so the only way to even explain them is to just write a list about all the things that they could have done different to avoid being given the title, The-Rudest-Customer, but then who am I to judge, maybe they actually wanted the title.

The men in this group (which can range form 5-10 people at any one time) drink a lot. They drink so much that it's to the point that we really should refuse them alcohol. But when we do, they get aggressive and it just becomes an issue. Usually they leave before this becomes a major problem, so I can only be grateful for that.

Due to the three break-ins that have been targeted for our alcohol, in the last year and a half, our Boss has decided that we will not be selling any alcohol at all and will encourage BYO. As The-Rudest-Customer drinks a lot of our alcohol, our Boss thought it would be best to inform him that we will no longer be restocking our beers. I was taking their order at the time. The-Rudest-Customer looked at my Boss blanked faced. Why? Because the guy was already drunk! He had no idea what was going on around him. I didn't know whether to laugh because he looked so stupid or slap him for the same reason. Also at the same time I knew that it was going to be a long night because that was only the beginning.

As a waitress you get called a lot of rude things by rude customers. You get the "finger-over-here", "crazy-hand-wave" or even the "finger-clicking". By far I think the worse that I have ever had to endure is when The-Rudest-Customer calls me "bub" to get my attention. It makes me feel really disgusted. I know some people use it as a term of endearment, but when he uses it it makes me feel gross. It puts me in this really awful position and really makes me want to tell him that he should not be calling me that at all. So all night, all I got was "bub this" and "bub that" in his loudest voice.


Then there is the Devil-Child. The-Rudest-Customer's little daughter is called Angel. We know this because she is constantly being yelled at by her Mum who has no control over her children at all. Devil-Child has not changed since she was a baby. She is one of the main reasons why I do not want to EVER have children.

Devil-Child runs around with her shoes off, touches every other table's cutlery, and tries to run into the kitchen whenever she gets a chance to. Oh, and she has a little brother who has just learned how to walk. How lovely.

Little-Devil-Child tries to get out by playing with our entrance door. He pulls it enough to get his fingers caught. Now I try to move him away from it but he comes back repeatedly. So I tell the Mum that he needs to move otherwise he will hurt himself. She looks at me as if I'm the one that should be looking after him. You have got to be kidding. This is the same look she gives us when we tell her that her children should stop running around, that they should not be playing with fans, and also that they should not touch the blinds.

Devil-Child and Co. like to lick the Salt and Pepper Shakers and tip Soy Sauce on the tables. So now we have take all those off the OTHER tables in the restaurant. Also along with any napkins and cutlery that we do not want to re-wipe. All the surrounding originally clean tablecloths are already a lost cause.

The best way to deal with  Devil-Child and Co. is to not make eye-contact and ignore them. Otherwise they think that  you want to play with them and that this is highly amusing. So towards the end of the night I ended up having to stand guard to the entrance of the kitchen so that we wouldn't have an accident on our hands.


I do all the things that The-Rudest-Customer demands. He wants knives which are not set out on the table. So I wipe them and put them on the table before he even asks. He then proceeds to ask me to get him some knives. I simply point to the table, and tell him that they are there already.

The-Rudest-Customer-Wife wants a million little bowls and proceeds to take then from the staff only area without even asking. Wonderful. More useless cleaning on our hands.

The-Rudest-Customer brings in a friend to dine with them and she wants bottled water. We don't have any, we only have tap water. She asks if I can boil some water for her. I tell her that it will be hot, and if that is okay. She tells me that this is fine. Her husband thinks it's hilarious to say that I should boil cold water so that it will be cold. I would slap him if I could.


Finally at the conclusion to this crazy meal they want to have their left overs packed. Instead of asking a waitresses over politely, as this would be too easy and too nice, The-Rudest-Customer proceeds to yell "Boss" as loud as possible in the restaurant in hopes that my Boss, who is in the kitchen and cannot even hear him, will come out just to pack The-Rudest-Customer's leftovers. All I can say is that I'm embarrassed for The-Rudest-Customer, if no on else is.


There was no tips tonight. The truth is that I'm just glad they left when they did, and I would quite gladly accept that as my tip for the night. At least the only reassuring thing is that they won't be back for another three months.

Skipping out on the Manners Lesson

Once again, a booking was made under the name of Dunk. I actually picked up this booking and already knew who it was by the sound of their voice. Dread came over me at this point. So I sighed (which I have been doing a lot lately) and decided there was no escaping their clutches.

Sizzling-Lady is the older sister of Satay-Lady. They are alike in attitude, which does not make it pleasant for any waitress. Sizzling-Lady seems to like to believe that the whole world revolves around her. That's right, she is one of the those people. Everything must come to her straight away when she asks for it, and she doesn't ask in a nice way either.



Sizzling-Lady orders the same thing every times she comes in to eat, which is almost once a month. For entree she will have the King Prawn Cutlets. We serve this dish with a wedge of lemon, she likes it with Sweet and Sour sauce but NEVER orders it with the sauce.

Sizzling-Lady: Where's my red sauce? [As I put down her King Prawn Cutlets].

Some nights I feel like telling her that she didn't order one with it and that it's served with a wedge of lemon so that's what she got. Of course then I know I will get this response.

Sizzling-Lady: But I always have it with the red sauce, and you should know that.

Yep, because I am a total mind-reader.

Then for her main meal she will order:

Sizzling Beef
- Little onion
- Mild
- Cut up fine.

There are so many things wrong with this order.

1. When she asks for little onion. She doesn't seem to understand that we understand what little means.

Sizzling-Lady: Little onion, like extra little. Not too much because I have a problem with lots of onion.

Then she goes on about something about her bowel movements. Oh yes. I tune out at this point because it is too much information for me. Or usually I just walk away.

2. Mild. Sizzling Beef is not a spicy dish. In fact its the opposite. Its sweet. I have no idea why she thinks that this is a spicy dish when she eats it all the time. I once tried to explain to her that this was not a spicy dish. It went something like this.

Me: Sizzling Beef isn't spicy so asking for it to be mild won't make a difference.
Sizzling-Lady: Yeah, I don't want it to be spicy.
Me: It's not a spicy dish, so you don't have say it when you are ordering it.
Sizzling-Lady: I just want the dish to be mild, extra mild.

I walked away after that. She obviously was not getting the point and it was pretty plain that she was not even listening to me. The only reason why I even bothered to try was that in case a new waitress had to take her order and got confused by what she was ordering. It was pretty much a failure.

3. The beef is already in bite size proportions. If she wants it any more finely chopped it will turn out like mince meat. The interesting thing is that I usually don't write 'cut up fine' because I think that she has it confused with the Sizzling Steak, which has much larger pieces. Not once has she EVER complained about the size of the meat.

She drinks way too much when she comes in and will walk out of the restaurant pretty drunk. A drunk Dunk. Shes not very polite and when she asks for things, its definitely not in a way that makes you really want to get it done straight away.

The one thing that confuses me the most, above all else, is that this women must be in her 60s and I wonder how she has survived in this world having an attitude like that to people, not just waitresses. It is pretty shocking and I think it is just down right rude.

This is why I feel that no matter what I do, and no matter how much I do, I do not think that she appreciates what I do. I use to put up with it, but lately I feel like I don't have to put up with people who talk to me without any manners. In fact the children who sat next to her table had more manners than she had. Sizzling-Lady could learn a thing or too from them.