Split Bills Revenge

Split bills are invented to confuse and annoy waitresses. I find them twice as much work, twice as time consuming and generally makes me feel twice as busy as I really should feel on any kind of night. As a waitress I truly understand why it should just be a 'No Split Bills' policy. Unfortunately for our restaurant we have had split bills for a very long time, so sometimes enforcing this is quite difficult. But on Mother's Day this policy is fair game, no matter who you are and especially if you are the Dunks.

Me: Just letting you know that we can't do split bills tonight. We are just too busy. Sorry.
Sizzling-Lady: Why is that. You always do it.

Sorry lady, but can you seriously not see the FULL restaurant, my flustered-running-around-with-my-head-cut-off expression and the fact that I have just told you? But then should I have expected any less from you?

Me: We are busy, as you can see. Plus the kitchen will not be too happy if I did split bills either.
Sizzling-Lady: Oh. Can you just do two sets of split bills then?

This was a table of eight, originally wanting one bill per couple. Which part of 'no split bills' did they seriously not understand? Its not a negotiation. No, pretty much means no.

Me: I'm really sorry. I can't
Sizzling-Lady: You are a bit busy aren't you?

Naa, really? I just like looking like I'm busy. Makes me feel like I'm actually doing something. And all the people in the restaurant are just my imagination, especially the Table of 17 that failed to book.


Split bills means that you have to remember who is who, where they are sitting ,what they are ordering and what drinks you are serving them. It becomes even more fun when they are move around and change their orders throughout the night. Also they all tend to have blank expressions on their faces, which I'm sure they practice at home, when you take their dishes to them. Which means that EVERY waitresses on has to be given the low down on EVERYTHING about the table. Honestly, how hard is it for people to remember what they ordered? Is it really that difficult? Or maybe I'm just expecting WAY too much.

Then there is the infamous mis-communication when it comes to the Dunks. Which really never ceases to amaze me. I also believe that they practice this at home, with their blank expressions, before they come to the restaurant.

Honey-Black-Pepper-Lady: I'd like Honey Black Pepper King Prawns.
Me: Sure, no problems.

Then Satay-Lady orders.

Satay-Lady: I want the first one on the specials board.
Me: So that's the Sizzling Honey Black Pepper King Prawns.
Satay-Lady: Yes, the one on the board.

So the Sizzling Honey Black Pepper King Prawns came out first. For once, no arguments from Satay-Lady. The the non-Sizzling Honey Black Pepper King Prawns came out.

Honey-Black-Pepper-Lady: This isn't what I ordered.
Me: I'm sorry?
Honey-Black-Pepper-Lady: I wanted Honey Black Pepper.
Me: That is Honey Black Pepper King Prawns
Honey-Black-Pepper-Lady: [Pointing to Satay-Lady's dish] I ordered the same as her.


I was already way over my head with the amount of stuff I had to do to have to deal with this too.

1. Honey-Black-Pepper-Lady did not once point to the board to indicate that she wanted the sizzling version. It comes out non-sizzling in the regular menu. She has had this dish before, so it is not new to her.
2. No where in her attempt to order correctly did she say SIZZLING.
3. Telling me she ordered the same thing as someone who ordered AFTER her, is not exactly fair argument on her part.

Me: [Sigh] I'll just take it back and put it on a platter for you then.

She seemed quite happy with that. So, thankfully that was that. Otherwise the sizzling platter was not the only thing that would be sizzling.


Then came to paying their bill. Which in itself is just another debacle that I'm sure they practice beforehand, right after the mis-communication and the black expressions.

When writing bills, entrees go one top, then mains, followed by desserts and then the drinks are tallied right down the bottom. So when three couples order Mixed Entrees each it is written as:

3 Mix Ent                   $PRICE OF ALL THREE

Now, I'm no maths genius, but if you wanted to find the price of one, simply divide. Well, this was way too complicated for the four couples. Instead they asked for a menu and worked it out bit by every itty bitty bit. In fact one of the men decided to wait in the car because it was all too confusing for everyone. One of the other tables watched in amusement and asked why he was leaving without paying for his bill. That left the waitresses in a fit of hidden giggles.

It took the Dunks:

• two pens
• two napkins
• a menu
• a mobile phone
• and 15 whole minutes

To finally figure it all out.

 Evidence of Dunk's working out.

It also left five waitresses laughing pretty hard at Dunk's inability to remember not only what they had ordered but how much every single item costs.

For me it felt like a nice little piece of revenge. It is for all those times that they come in and expected us to know their names, their dishes, their drinks and their desires off by heart and for making eating chinese food so difficult when it is all suppose to be about sharing.

So honestly, think twice when asking for split bills because chances are it will come back and bite you on the bum one night, and trust me it will happen, every excuse that we can use.

Forceful Eating

There is no pleasing some customers. No matter how well you think your service is, or how great the food has been prepared and how wonderful everything is going these customers will forever complain. Why? I simply think its because its the only way that they can feel satisfied with their meal.

When I first started off as a waitress I was shy, gave in a lot and would be scared at the first signs of conflict. The truth was I always thought that in fact the customer was always right. Now I know better, customers are not always right and customers can be difficult and do cause a scene over nothing. In fact, sometimes I feel like customers think that you are a mind reader and know exactly what needs they want to have satisfied.

Friday-Regulars are a group of these customers. They are four couples. They demand to have separate bills, pay separately, and all waitresses must remember the couple's names and what they ordered so that when the meals come out they must be taken to the right person. As if the demands were not high enough, they always have something that is 'wrong' and on occasions we might actually have a good night with them. Yet they come back almost every Friday night. So somewhere, I'd like to think we are actually doing something right. And most likely its because we are the only restaurant that seems to tolerate such 'royal' requests.

One of the Friday-Regular's sister complains tonight that the Cantonese Steak being too salty. Another waitress had already checked on this table before she complained and there didn't seem to be a problem at the time. By the time that she finally does voice out her opinion she has a quarter of the original dish on her plate. Of course this would be the moment where she decides that indeed it is too salty. The rest of the Friday-Regulars straight away jump onto this complaint and say that they indeed have tried it too, and it is definitely too salty. A waitress asks her if she wants a replacement meal, which in fact is quite a generous response. She does not.


The problem only arises again when it comes down to paying the bill. Customers who complain ultimately strive for this part. The truth is that they just do not want to pay for the entire meal that they have ingested.

The actual customer who ate the meal is not the one paying, but her sister, Friday-Regular-SB is paying. Now everything is actually going along okay until one of the other Friday-Regular, MG, decides that they shouldn't have to pay for the Cantonese Steak at all. This has nothing to do with her bill what so ever. Yet she just can not help herself.

Friday-Regular-MB tells the waitress that she doesn't think that they should have to pay for a meal that was too salty. She also points out that everyone had a taste of it and also thought the same thing. The waitress calmly tells her that by the time anyone said anything, there was FOUR pieces of meat left on the plate. Most of the dish was definitely consumed.

All of sudden none of the Friday-Regulars want to pay for this now. Once one starts they all jump onto the bandwagon. Peer pressure? 

Finally it is decided because the fact that they have consumed the meal, they would receive 50% off the meal. They seem to be satisfied with this. After it has all been settled Regular-Customer's sister then says that it was only getting salty towards the end of the meal.

You have got to be kidding...

Cantonese Steak is cooked in an Oyster Sauce. This was the first complaint in the four years that I have worked there about this particular dish. The sauce can be a little salty but most Chinese dishes, especially main course ones, should be eaten with rice, no matter Fried or Steamed, and most people do. In this particular case, the customer who consumed the dish only had a small amount of rice spooned onto the steak dish. This would also explain why she complained about the saltiness of the dish later on.

The one thing that I cannot understand is the fact that Friday-Regular-MB had nothing to do with this complaint at all really. It was not her dish, not her bill and not really her business. Yet she has no problems causing a fuss over something that she forcefully involves herself in. Just so that we make this quite clear, she is a main offender to complaints, on every occasion that she can possibly find.

I have not always liked every meal that I have eaten, but I feel that if I wanted to complain about it then, yes, I would do so at the very beginning, not right at the end where I have eaten most of the dish. My logic and understanding is that if it is so unworthy to eat then you should not have consumed it at all. If you want to place a legitimate complaint, do so at the start of the meal and not at the end.

Why would you really force yourself into eating something that you disliked? And if it was consumed, really was it that bad after all?

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